Friday, October 2, 2009

Tell me how I'm supposed to breath with no air?

For the first time the Jordin Sparks song, "No Air," doesn't seem so corny. Michael has left for his month of pre-deployment training, hours short of McKaleigh's first birthday.

I didn't think I would be so upset, because it's only a month, it's not like he's leaving for Iraq right now. But then I think about the fact that, when he gets back, those will be the last few weeks we have together before he does leave for Iraq. Thinking about how this is all happening so fast leaves a pit in my stomach and makes my heart ache a bit.

I have yet to cry, but my head hurts from not crying. You know that scene in "The Holiday" where Cameron Diaz tries to cry, but can't? Well, I cry more often than she did in that movie, but still, there are so many times when I want to cry but just can't! And I feel the same way she does, sometimes it hurts not to cry. There are certain occasions where crying just feels good, and I really wish I could cry right now. Maybe I'll watch last season's finale of Grey's Anatomy, that'll have me crying right away. Real life is where I have trouble letting go of the tears. I've always been that way.

Before I know it, this will all be over with and it will seem like it was just a not-so-pleasant dream. I know a lot of good things will come from the next year. It's just hard to remind myself of the positive, when all I want is my family in tact. McKaleigh's 3rd birthday will be her first birthday with her daddy present. That alone breaks my heart a little.

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