The death of Myspace

So I spent the last hour or so copying and pasting all of my blogs from MySpace onto here, all the posts with ** at the end are from MySpace. I really don't use it anymore, but I had a lot of posts on my myspace blog from when I was pregnant with McKaleigh and the first year of her life. Now that I have all of them on here, I can delete my MySpace. I don't know anyone who has a MySpace that doesn't also have a Facebook, and I prefer Facebook, so MySpace is pretty much obsolete.

Anyways, I got to talk to Michael for the first time since Sunday. He has one last thing to do tonight, and then they start getting ready to leave tomorrow! I'm hoping he'll be home in the middle of next week, but we pretty much won't know until it happens, lol. Love the Army:). The last two weeks have gone by pretty quickly though. Let's hope the deployment goes by quickly, too! I'm sure it will. I have to have a positive outlook, can't let myself have a pity party, or who knows when it will stop! I know that when all is said and done, he'll be coming home to me, and that's all that matters. Keep us in your prayers, I'll keep you in mine:).

One week down.

Three more to go. It hasn't been too bad, although I was pretty grumpy yesterday, hehe. It's weird how it feels like it's been so much longer than a week, but also less than a week, at the same time. I always remind myself, at least I have a husband to miss:).

So I'm like totally obsessed with naming my future children, and I think I have the names for the next one picked out. If it's a boy it will be Torin Joseph Lee. I've had this picked out since I was pregnant with McKaleigh. McKaleigh is named after Michael, so Torin would be after me. McKaleigh's middle names are Elizabeth (my mom's middle name) and Anne (mother in law's middle name is Ann.) Joseph is Michael's stepfather's name, and Lee is my dad's middle name:). If we have another girl her name will be Mariela Stephanie Lynn. Mariella is after my maternal grandmother, Mary Louise -> Mary L. -> Mary Ella -> Mariela:). Stephanie is my mom's BFF's name, and Lynn is Michael's aunt's middle name. McKaleigh & Torin or McKaleigh & Mariela. Do you think they go together? I like them, obviously, or else I wouldn't have picked them!

There hasn't been too much going on around here. Just staying up too late and sleeping in too late. It's a never ending cycle, blah.I need to go grocery shopping, but I so don't want to! I've left the house once I think, and that was to take McKaleigh to her 1 year appointment, well other than checking mail.

My life is dull:P.

Right about now is when it gets hard.

So being a stay at home mom, the only thing that really differentiates the weekdays from the weekends is my husband being home. With him gone, I've treated today like any other weekday. We're getting closer to the end of the work day and it's starting to sink in that he's not coming home tonight.

Today is McKaleigh's first birthday. I bought a little "cake for two." I tried to make it a somewhat special day for her, but it's just so hard when there's no one around to celebrate with. I hope next year is better, but Michael will once again be gone, so I don't see how it will be.

I wish I could be stronger, but I'm not, and I'd rather get this all out then bottle it all up.

Tell me how I'm supposed to breath with no air?

For the first time the Jordin Sparks song, "No Air," doesn't seem so corny. Michael has left for his month of pre-deployment training, hours short of McKaleigh's first birthday.

I didn't think I would be so upset, because it's only a month, it's not like he's leaving for Iraq right now. But then I think about the fact that, when he gets back, those will be the last few weeks we have together before he does leave for Iraq. Thinking about how this is all happening so fast leaves a pit in my stomach and makes my heart ache a bit.

I have yet to cry, but my head hurts from not crying. You know that scene in "The Holiday" where Cameron Diaz tries to cry, but can't? Well, I cry more often than she did in that movie, but still, there are so many times when I want to cry but just can't! And I feel the same way she does, sometimes it hurts not to cry. There are certain occasions where crying just feels good, and I really wish I could cry right now. Maybe I'll watch last season's finale of Grey's Anatomy, that'll have me crying right away. Real life is where I have trouble letting go of the tears. I've always been that way.

Before I know it, this will all be over with and it will seem like it was just a not-so-pleasant dream. I know a lot of good things will come from the next year. It's just hard to remind myself of the positive, when all I want is my family in tact. McKaleigh's 3rd birthday will be her first birthday with her daddy present. That alone breaks my heart a little.