Friday, September 14, 2012

To medicate or not to medicate

l've dealt with depression since high school. After a very traumatic experience caused by my depression and some outside factors, I was prescribed anti-depressants. They helped me tremendously, I felt like I had more energy and and overall was just happier. After about a year I discontinued taking them, because I didn't have the same stresses in my life anymore, also I planned to enlist in the Army Reserves, and I wanted to skip the waiver process.

Ever since I've been up and down. My depression isn't constant, but when I'm in a bout it is pretty bad and it can take me awhile to get out of it. Unless you have depression you might not really get what I mean. It's not just being sad, everyone is sad sometimes, it's the overwhelming hopeless feeling, like things will never get better. Logically I know things can get better, but that's not how it feels. And the worst part about it is that I don't even know why I feel that way most of the time. It's not like there are specific events that make me sad, and I always try to talk myself out of it. Usually I don't snap out of it until I hit a breaking point. It's like things will get so bad that eventually something inside of me says "enough!" and I start to feel better. Even though I try to tell myself to snap out of it right at the outset of a depression bout, it doesn't really work. I think that's one of the worst things about depression, is that you know what it is you need to do to make yourself happy, but you just can't get yourself to do those things.

So that is why I am considering getting back on anti-depressants. I have my 6 week postpartum checkup on Monday, so I may see if he will prescribe me something. I'll let you know how things go.

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