Figuring Things Out

I can't believe I haven't blogged since April! But, to be fair, I have vlogged quite a few times since then. Usually I would come to the computer , start writing a blog, and then decide to vlog instead, haha.

In the last few months we've had all three of the girls' birthdays! I now have a one year old, three year old, and a five year old!

Over the past few months things have been so-so. I sort of feel like I've been treading water. I keep having to have catch up days where I do most of the cleaning, and then everything gets out of hand and I keep having to start from square one, it's exhausting. Over the last week or so, I've decided to completely abstain from alcohol and it has made an incredible difference. I do a lot more cleaning, but don't feel like I'm doing more cleaning. It's like it is just automatic to pick up and do certain chores, whereas before I really had to push myself to get things done. So for the forseeable future I'm not going to be drinking at all.

I don't have much else to say, I woke up earlier than usual today and think I need a nap, or a cup of coffee, lol.

Finally a routine that works for me!

If you know me at all or have been reading my sporadic posts over the last few years, you will know that I have tried and failed many times to start a good housekeeping routine. I have always loved making plans, but have never been able to stick to them. I think a big part of this has been my depression, which was untreated until last September. Everytime there would be a little hangup I would fall hopelessly into a rut and abandon whatever plan I had made earlier.

Anti-depressants have completely changed my life and now those little obstacles do not stop me in my tracks anymore. I find it so much easier to keep on going, in spite of all of the things that life still throws at me. My life itself hasn't gotten an easier, I just feel much better equipped to deal with it! For the first time in my life, I feel like I have things together, and it's a great feeling.

Awhile back there was an e-book bundle special for spring cleaning. I found it through one of the blogs I read, Clean Mama. One of the e-books was written by her and was all about her basic cleaning routine. I have been doing it for a month now with great success! I don't always do everything and it doesn't always go perfectly, but I have stuck with it and my house is looking better than ever!

Another big reason for this success is the smartphone app Astrid. I use it to keep track of my daily and weekly chores and enter anything I need to remember in my to do lists. It's like my own digital personal assistant and it has made a huge difference! I'm really glad I found this routine and this app:).

Organizing Revolution 2013: The Kitchen

Yay for another week of organizing! Last week I placed 4th! Just a few votes short of winning a prize. Let's see if I can break into the top three this week.

Once again I have to take into consideration the fact that I am moving soon. I didn't want to buy too many items specific to my current kitchen layout, when the next kitchen could be totally different. The things I did purchase were all pretty basic, so I should be able to adapt them to any kitchen space.

My favorite part of this project is set out on the counter, so it should definitely work in any kitchen. That would be my new drink station! It's made up of my coffee maker, a carousel for k-cups, and a little tray with some other drink items on it. The tray is something I purchased last summer. It came in a set of four with little cups and I'm so excited to finally have something to use it for! I think whenever you have small items that you want to keep out in the open, a tray is an easy way to make it look neater. The tray shows that the items are supposed to be on the counter, and you didn't just forget to put them away!

I also consolidated all of my other drink related items. The coffee cups were in the cabinet to the left, the extra k-cups were in the cabinet to the right, so now they are all in this one section right above the coffee maker. I love having it all together!

I did a few other things as well. I got some baskets to try and help tame the corner pantry cabinet. It is far from perfect, but it's a huge improvement over the mess that it was before.

I bought a tiered rack to sort out my chaotic cupboard of spices.

I bought this little basket thing to make this dedicated baking space. A lot of this stuff had been sitting on the counter or had been in the top section of our snack cabinets.

I bought this little shelf, not knowing exactly what I was going to do with it. I ended up using it to give the bread a home, since it usually just sits out on the counter.

I also decided to test out prepackaging snacks for the girls! I put carrots and cheese cubes in some small rubbermaid containers, and divied up all of the cheese its into Ziploc containers. It's nice to pre-package it all when I have time, so then when the girls want a snack and I'm busy, they just have to grab the container and are all set! I think I'll be buying some more so that I can do this with all of our snacks! I just got a few to start out with in case I ended up not liking them. So far it's working well. I'd take a picture but the snacks don't last long, haha. They seem to really like it.


Overall I love the changes I've made. This didn't take very much time, I did it one day during naptime! I can't wait to start fresh with my next kitchen and organize everything from top to bottom!

To vote for me, go to this link and scroll down to hit the vote button on #98 Tara of FD Home Organizing. Thanks!

Resolutions in action

To attempt to keep things straight I'm going to post about my resolutions, what I've done so far and try to make some plans to get things done.

Seasonal goals: I have to sort through clothes and examine spending. We have a trip to the science center planned for this month. I already bought a new outfit for winter. And my fitness focus for this season is going to be my core and yoga.

Monthly goals: Instead of focusing on one room, I'm focusing on the Organizing Revolution Challenge.  I still have to find a special activity to do in town. Haven't blogged about fitness or health, but I think I will save that for closer to the end of the month. I'm planning on journaling tonight, once I get Matilda to sleep. And I've been keeping up with the budget, but need to take another look at it.

Weekly goals: McKaleigh and I spent New Years Eve together, just the two of us; we also went to Office Max together. I updated the schedule in my home management binder today. I did not plan out meals or workouts this past week, but I have time set aside to do it tomorrow night, for next week. I haven't hooped, and I haven't talked to my husband about finances.


I think I need to come up with some sort of checklist to make this easier to keep track of!

Organizing Revolution 2013: The Home Office

I recently just started reading the blog Clean Mama, thanks to pinterest:). And it seems that I started just in time! The Top Organizing Bloggers are having a month long challenge and it includes prizes!

This first week the challenge is to organize your home office. Since I am starting my home organizing business, (Fort Dodge Home Organizing,) this seemed like a great thing for me to do!

First let's start with my challenges.

#1: Moving soon! I'm hoping to purchase a house in the next month, so anything I do for the organizing challenge this month has to be completely adaptable to the new house.

#2: My desk. It was originally purchased for my husband to use, so it's not very functional as an office desk. There are zero drawers and no decent spot for my printer. This left my printer on the floor and my office supplies in a box in the closet.

#3: Paper clutter. I had my filing system halfway done, but until it was totally complete and I had created a home for everything, the papers just kept getting piled up.

My solution to the first two problems was to buy a cart with drawers! It gives me more than enough room for all of my office supplies and it's the perfect home for my printer! And it's a good home for my home management binder, because the easier it is to access, the more likely I am to use it. The bonus of course is that I can most likely make this work in my home office area in any home, because it's not too big and is easy to move around.

Inside the top drawers I used some little baskets to keep the drawers extra organized! I just love it:). Opening the drawers makes me happy!

For more storage, I bought the two pretty bins on top of the desk! They're cardboard and were $5 for the pair at Wal-Mart! I totally love them. The print is so pretty and you can't beat that price. I hung some pictures of my girls just to have something nice to look at, and the clock and calendar are a must in any home office space.

To tackle the paper clutter I finally finished sorting through everything and created a plan for taking care of paper work in the future.

 This is pretty much my whole system. The file folder on the desk is for paper that needs to be looked through, or that needs to be acted on. The box below is for things I need to file and keep long term. The black basket is where I toss my recycling.

Here is the whole space! I really love it. It was pretty budget friendly, especially since I bought most of this stuff over the course of a whole year. Taking little steps and buying what I could, when I could. I will definitely get a lot of work done here!

PS: I think the desk may have a makeover in its future, this spring when it's not so cold and the snow has melted. I want to keep it for the sake of saving money, but it is definitely not pretty and I think I could fix that, at least a little bit. So be on the lookout for that in the future!

PPS: Remember to vote for me! I'm #122! (But the number may change, so look for Tara at FD Home Organizing.)

Resolutions for 2013

I love making resolutions, because I love making plans and goals. My trouble is always the follow through. This year is the first year that I am starting off on anti-depressants, so hopefully that will help me stick to at least some of my resolutions.

Resolution #1: Spend more quality time with my daughters.

Every season- Take a trip to the science center and zoo.

Every month- Do a special activity in town.

Every week- Spend one on one time with one of the girls, even if it's just grocery shopping.

Resolution #2: Make my house clean and organized.

Every season- Sort through clothes.

Every month- Choose a room to focus on.

Every week- Update home management binder with the week's schedule.

Resolution #3: Improve fitness and health.

Every season- Choose a specific activity to focus on.

Every month- Blog about fitness and health.

Every week- Plan out meals and workouts.

Resolution #4: Do things that make me happy.

Every season- Buy a new outfit.

Every month- Journal about how I'm feeling.

Every week- Hoop at least once.

Resolution #5: Improve finances.

Every season: Examine our spending and what can be changed or cut.

Every month: Set spending goals in our budget and figure out which areas need working on.

Every week: Talk to my husband about our finances, so that we're on the same page.

So there they are. These are my resolutions for this year. All pretty basic, but with specific tasks added in, to hopefully make them happen! What resolutions have you made for this year? Have they worked for you in the past? How do you hold yourself accountable?

I'm thinking about turning my resolutions into a printable that I can hang in my room.

2012: The year in review

It's been quite the year. It's really hard to believe all that's happened in the last twelve months!

In January, we moved from Georgia to Iowa, and Michael moved to Korea. McKaleigh was sick starting on the 1st and was hospitalized by the end of the month. Michael came back on emergency leave in February for McKaleigh's liver surgery. In March, I continued classes for my associates degree. I had two internships in the spring and summer, so between that and being pregnant, I didn't have much time for anything else.

In July, Michael came home on leave, so that he could be present for our third daughter's birth. On August 6th Matilda was born and a few days later Michael returned to Korea. Later that month McKaleigh started preschool. Adelaide's 2nd birthday was in September, followed by McKaleigh's 4th birthday in October. I finished my last class in October and that was followed by all of the typical holiday celebrations.

This year we started some new Winter Solstice/Yule traditions. I started the morning at sunrise, reflecting on all of the regrets and negative things from the past year and "letting go" of it all into the darkness as the sun rose. The girls each opened a present, they also played in the snow and fed the birds. We made a Yule log, a Yule log cake, and a special meal. After supper we took our Wassail (a hot beverage) and went outside to burn the Yule log, with our wishes for the year written down and slipped under the ribbon of the log. We came back in and warmed up, while looking at a photo album full of pictures from this year.

It was a year full of lots of ups and downs, definitely a memorable one!

Starting a New Chapter

Things didn't work out with getting Michael's orders changed, so we are staying put. I'm sad that we won't be living with Michael for awhile, but at the same time I'm excited about settling down here and I do think we'll be better off in the long run. I've started the hunt for houses and am hoping we can close on a house while Michael is home on leave in January.

The thing that I am most excited about is starting my own business! I've decided to start a home organizing business! I've registered the trade name Fort Dodge Home Organizing and already began setting up my website. It's almost ready, but I still need to add some pictures. Once it's ready I will share it here.
I had my first consultation today with a relative of one of my friends. I'm really excited for my first project! I'll definitely be documenting the growth of my business here, struggles and successes. I got started through the training program Profitable Organizer which I found on the blog iHeart Organizing!

I don't have much else to say. Just wanted to give that little update:).

Organizing makes me SO happy!

I have to start taking more before pictures! I've done two small little projects over the last week, and every time I see those spaces it makes me smile a little:). Last week I cleaned the laundry room, and that included totally reorganizing the closet in there, since it sort of doubles as a mudroom that leads out to the garage. Time and time again I've seen an over-the-door shoe organizer suggested for organizing anything and everything. Well winter is right around the corner, so I bought one and hung it up in the laundry room closet to keep hats and mittens easy to find:). I also hung up the girls' snowsuits. I'm so excited for winter!

The other little project was just a little moving of shelves in the refrigerator. From the work I did in my bedroom closet, I really learned firsthand how much adjusting shelves can maximize the usefulness of your space. So I lowered a shelf to take advantage of  the space above our jugs of milk and juice. This made space for bottled water, which had previously been laying on it's side stacked on the top shelf. I raised the shelf next to it, with the drawer underneath, so that our milk and juice would have more room horizontally.

Some other minor things...

I moved my hospital grade breast pump, (that has been sitting on my kitchen table,) into my bedroom closet.

Took one of my boxes upstairs, and brought another box to my closet. The dining room is almost completely done! Only a few boxes left, and I mostly just have to put them somewhere, don't really have to go through anymore.

I think I'm going to tackle all of the paper out on the kitchen counter! That is my weakness, lol, I have to get better about keeping it under control.

Closet Overhaul: Getting Started

My closet has not been functioning well for me. There was stuff everywhere. Stuff that didn't belong in there, and the space just wasn't being used optimally. I am by no means done, but I just thought I would show the progress I've made so far.

The pictures below are of the right closet before and after some organizing. 

Before

After

Before

After

You can see on the floor I had two comforters that barely fit. Now I have a space saver bag with both of those comforters, the sheets that go with them that were in a box and on one of the side shelves in this closet, plus two pillows and a few decorative pillows! And I was able to lower the shelf down a bit to make more room for my box of wraps. I don't know if that file box will stay next to the wraps, but it fit there nicely and I couldn't think of anything else I needed to put in there. My yoga shelf stayed as it was, because I really like how things are there and it's the perfect size. 

On the next shelf up I had so much random stuff! I moved the picture frames over to the right of the closet where there's space for shoes. The beach towels were put in a beach bag I found in one of my previously unpacked boxes, and I put it on the top shelf along with the bunny basket. Now on the shelf is a bag of yarn I need to sort through and a pair of shoes I'm going to sell on a FB garage sale page. I think I'm going to use that shelf for things I'm going to sell. Left untouched is the medicine/first aid box and a few small things that need homes. I also moved some of my girls' dresses that were folded up over to the right side on the closet. I'm going to buy hangers for them and then move them to the closet in the girls' room.

Now for the second to top shelf. That diaper box had been full of electronics that need to be recycled, but now it's full of random cords and things we need to keep and the recycling was moved to a bigger diaper box which is now on the top shelf and now also holds the broken xbox. The stack of magazines were moved over to the right and now I have my big bins full of yarn there. I'm planning on going through everything, and only keeping what will fit in those two bins! My very top shelf was stuff that belonged to my mom, so those were moved over to the left closet, and I've already gone over what's up there now:).

Now for the left side!

Before

After

Before

After

A bunch of my mom's stuff got moved from the right closet over to this closet, to the top shelf that had previously been empty, and also on the floor where Rock Band instruments had been, which I moved to the girls' closet. I moved all of the formal dresses to the girls' closet because it has room for them to hang without hitting the shelf and now I can use that shelf to store my laundry baskets that are normally just on the floor of my bedroom. I moved the yarn bins over to the other side, and the diaper box that is there now is full of office supplies and was previously on the top of my desk.The box on the floor is full of movies and got shifted to the center of the closets, the stack of books is now pushed up against the center wall between the two closets' doors.

I'm really happy with how things are going so far. I think I'm going to bring some of the stuff that's sitting out in the dining room into the closet now. I really want to find a new storage solution for the movies as well, because I hate just having a big box full; they never stay orderly. And I'm going to buy some adorable paper to wrap up those diaper boxes:). There's definitely more I need to do, but I feel like I'm halfway there!

I'm making great progress:).

I need to start taking before and after pictures! I did some major work in my bedroom today and earlier this week. I totally decluttered the top of my dresser and my desk. There are still a few things around my room that need to find a home, but I think the next time I work on my room I'll be reorganizing my closet and I'll probably find places for the last few random items then. I'm really tempted to work on it right now, but I've done so much today, I really have to stop myself, haha. I read tips on organization and staying motivated and one of the tips was to stop when you feel like you could do a little more, to make it easier to get started the next time.

I've also been making progress in the dining room where all of my boxes are sitting, lol. I'm hoping to get done with it by the time my mom gets here next week. Once again, there are just some things that I really don't know where to put, so it's just a matter of finding a home for those last few things. There's also a ton of stuff that I have to run by Michael to see if he even needs it. I really want to get rid of things that we don't need. No sense in having boxes full of things that we never use and never look at.

Earlier this week there was a post on iHeart Organizing about DIY storage containers, and I've decided that I'm totally going to embrace that! I'm going to buy some wrapping paper to wrap up some diaper boxes and use  them instead of buying cheap storage that I don't like, or spending a lot on things that I do like. I figure this is better, because I'll save money, but can still make it cute. I've already wrapped up one box that is holding my baby carriers on a shelf in my closet! After I've redone the whole closet I will post a picture of it:).

Here are some recent pics of my room. That diaper box on the top shelf of my desk is full of office supplies and will soon be covered with pretty paper!



Check out my new pillow on the bed! And I love having that other pillow on my chair. It contrasts so nicely with the blanket.



Hopefully, I'll have a closet update soon!

Our plans are forever changing

Things are potentially changing again. Last week my grandmother died. My mother's side of the family is pretty big and almost everyone made it back for the funeral. Being with family and celebrating my grandma's life really made me reflect on what's important. So I told Michael that if he can get his orders changed to somewhere stateside, then we would move to live with him, no matter where it is. If he still has to go to Germany, then we'll go through with our plan to buy a house and settle down here in my hometown. He's going through the process of trying to get things changed, and I really hope he can because the girls need their dad and I need my husband. 

I think part of what has made me change my mind is that I feel really stable on my anti-depressants and I think that I'll better be able to handle the move than I was before meds. I'm still thinking about all of the major concerns I had about moving, because I still think a lot of those things will be an issue. Hopefully if I can make a plan to lessen those things, then it won't be as bad as I imagine it will be. 

Finances is a big worry of mine. I started trying to get us out of debt in the fall of 2008. Here we are four years later and we've merely managed to tread water! We've gotten rid of some debts and added others, so we're pretty much in the same exact spot we were four years ago. I thought that settling here would be the change and motivation we need to really get out of debt so that Michael can get out of the Army. I'm still worried that us moving to live with Michael will lead us back to the same ol' same ol' and that when it's time for his next ETS date, we won't be in the financial position for him to get out of the Army. With my anti-depressants I've felt much more stable, so maybe it will also help me resist spending and take this all more seriously. Part of me feels that I have spent money in the past to deal with my depression, although I'm definitely only one half of the problem, because Michael is about as far away from frugal as can be, haha.

Another of my concerns was stability for the girls. If we move this should be the last time before Michael's next ETS date. Michael will get out of the Army when McKaleigh is going into 2nd grade and Adelaide is starting Kindergarten. So I don't think that will be the worst. Hopefully we can get them into dance classes where ever we move, if we end up moving.

Overall things are still going really well. I'll keep you posted!

I've never felt so good

Well maybe not never, things could be better, like for instance having my husband here would be preferable. What I mean though is that my medication is working wonderfully. For the last couple of years I have coped with my depression without medication, and I've always been unstable and just bouncing between being motivated and being completely unmotivated. It wasn't just a lazy day here and there, I always had far more lazy days than productive days, and I really think that was due to my depression.

Since I've started on this medication I have slowly been picking up good habits, and I'm really not scared of regressing. Normally I do too much or not enough, and now I feel like I'm doing just the right amount of work everyday. I'm taking things slowly and set my expectations low, and everyday I feel so proud of myself, and it seems that I almost always do more than I plan on doing. I think one of the important things is that I know when to stop and just sit down, relax, and cuddle with my baby girl. Also, when I have anything planned for the day, such as an appointment or McKaleigh's dance class, I don't put anything too time intensive on my to do lists on those days. Honestly, just getting the girls in and out of the car more than twice a day can be pretty exhausting, so on the days that we are doing more than usual, I set my expectations pretty low in the housework arena.

I honestly wish I would've gotten on medication earlier on. I don't think I really realized how bad off I was until I was able to see how good I feel now.

A plan for my financial goals

I think I will start by laying out where we are right now. Then I'll talk about what our goals are for the next year. And then I'll probably talk about some of the things I'm thinking about doing to get us there.

Right now we have $1,000 in savings, $11,500 in credit card debt, ~$10,000 in unsecured debt, $8,600 in a car loan, and ~$18,000 in student loans. Ay yi yi.

So our biggest goal for the next year is to buy a house. I know, it sounds crazy right? But we want to get out of the house we're currently in, there aren't many nice rentals in this town, and housing prices here are really low so we'd probably pay less in a mortgage than we would in rent (especially considering how hard it is to find a place that takes dogs.) With Michael being in the Army we'll be able to get a VA loan, which means we'll only need a few thousand dollars for the VA funding fee and a few miscellaneous expenses. Thanks to refundable credits, we'll be getting about $4,000-$5,000 in our tax refund early next year. That should be enough for us to buy a house and throw a little in to pad our savings.

If we own a house, I'm not comfortable having only $1,000 in our savings account, so right now I'm shifting focus from tackling our debt to building up our savings. Our biggest area that can be improved is food. I've been making an effort to eat out much less, and have actually been pretty successful. One big thing I need to work on is meal planning, I still haven't really gotten into it. I'm going to sign up for WIC soon, because we definitely qualify. That should definitely help our grocery bill. I also recently learned about the SHARE program, where this group buys food in bulk and sells packages of it at the discounted rate, and all they ask you to do is volunteer two hours of your time anywhere, doing anything! Another thing I'm contemplating is couponing. I did some reading about it last night, and being a stay at home mom, I really do think I have the time to coupon. I'm thinking of getting rid of cable, or at least downgrading to basic cable. I've already cut our Christmas budget almost in half. I've also start cloth diapering Matilda with diapers I had bought when McKaleigh and Adelaide were younger. I'm thinking we'll be able to double our savings by the time our tax refund gets here.

I'm going to be going through every area of our lives, trying to figure out how to pinch those pennies! I think home ownership is the motivation I've been needing to really get serious about our finances.

One of those rambly posts

This is one of those posts where I just have an urge to write, but am having trouble narrowing things down to focus on just one topic. So I think I'll just start writing and we'll see where I end up.

I think I should start by saying that I've been on anti-depressants for more than a month and they are working wonders. I've been doing a better job of maintaining a reasonable level of productivity lately. Normally when I get motivated I do too much, and get burnt out. Then when I'm relaxing or being lazy I let it go on for far too long and neglect even the most basic tasks. For me to be able to feel balanced is a pretty big deal, and I've been feeling great overall.

Now that I really feel like the medicine has taken full effect and I've been much more stable and happy, I want to take on those areas of my life that I've always felt needed some improvement. The main things I want to work on are my finances, housework, and organization. What I'm having trouble with is that all three of these things feel really important and I've been thinking of what steps I want to take in each area. I know that I will be able to work best if I really focus on one thing at a time, so that I don't stretch myself too thin. But I also know that I do want to be working on each of these things constantly because of how important each thing is.

I guess the best thing to do will be to make lists! Lots and lots of lists, lol. And then choose which tasks seem manageable each week. Maybe I can pick one thing to primarily focus on each week, so that a majority of my tasks will be from that topic.

I did sign up to do the Simplify 101 workshop. Perhaps if I actually go through with the whole thing, everything will fall into place nicely. Over the next week or two I'll probably write posts on the different areas, especially finances, because that has been on my mind a ton and I have so many things that I want to get out in words!

My Husband is Amazing

I've written from time to time about our future plans and reasons I don't want to continue living the Army life. Well all of that has been totally confirmed by living in my hometown, again. The plan was for us to just live here for the year while Michael is in Korea. We have decided instead to make this our permanent home.

Unfortunately it isn't feasible financially for Michael to get out of the Army right now, and he already reenlisted through 2016, for Germany. If we moved to Germany with him we'd be there for three years and chances are that one of those years would be spent with him in the field all of the time preparing for a deployment and another of those years would be spent deployed. With that in mind it seems much preferable for him to just go by himself for two years. Plus it will be easier for us to save money with him overseas where they will pay for his living quarters and our BAH, rather than having to pay for two separate households just with BAH like we will when he comes back stateside. So the two years of him in Germany will give us a chance to save up money and get rid of debt, making it easier to sustain two households for the last year and a half of his enlistment in the states.

One reason I want to stay here is that if I don't stay here now I don't think Michael will ever get out of the Army. Not because he wouldn't want to, but because we'd keep putting off getting out of debt and saving up, and then when each ETS date comes up he would have no choice but to re-enlist yet again. And before we know it, 20 years will have passed by! Living here forces us to take things seriously and really will motivate me to get things under control, because I don't want to have to move!

We're already comfortable here with McKaleigh in preschool and dance class. I really like the idea of the girls going to the same schools and having the same friends their whole life. Something about knowing for sure what will generally be happening in the future is really reassuring for me. Obviously there are still a lot of unknowns, but nowhere near the extent of Army life where we have no idea where we will be 3, 6, 10 years from now. One thing that makes this all possible is that I will finish my bachelors in human services before he gets out of the Army and human services is a field that is always growing, so finding a job to support us should not be a problem. The plan is for Michael to use his G.I. Bill once he gets out, which will also give us a housing allowance and make the transition easier.

The reason this is titled "My Husband is Amazing" is because it makes me sad that he is going to miss so much. He is sacrificing a lot to let us stay here and start feeling stable, and I love him for it so much. I couldn't imagine doing what he will be doing, but he is completely in agreement that this is what's best for our family and he's willing to make those sacrifices for us. I'm just really glad that he's totally okay with living in Iowa forever, haha! I think it helps that he hates the heat and loves the fall, which I think makes Iowa perfect for us:). We're just getting into fall now, and it is just beautiful out. I'm excited to have many more autumns here:).

To medicate or not to medicate

l've dealt with depression since high school. After a very traumatic experience caused by my depression and some outside factors, I was prescribed anti-depressants. They helped me tremendously, I felt like I had more energy and and overall was just happier. After about a year I discontinued taking them, because I didn't have the same stresses in my life anymore, also I planned to enlist in the Army Reserves, and I wanted to skip the waiver process.

Ever since I've been up and down. My depression isn't constant, but when I'm in a bout it is pretty bad and it can take me awhile to get out of it. Unless you have depression you might not really get what I mean. It's not just being sad, everyone is sad sometimes, it's the overwhelming hopeless feeling, like things will never get better. Logically I know things can get better, but that's not how it feels. And the worst part about it is that I don't even know why I feel that way most of the time. It's not like there are specific events that make me sad, and I always try to talk myself out of it. Usually I don't snap out of it until I hit a breaking point. It's like things will get so bad that eventually something inside of me says "enough!" and I start to feel better. Even though I try to tell myself to snap out of it right at the outset of a depression bout, it doesn't really work. I think that's one of the worst things about depression, is that you know what it is you need to do to make yourself happy, but you just can't get yourself to do those things.

So that is why I am considering getting back on anti-depressants. I have my 6 week postpartum checkup on Monday, so I may see if he will prescribe me something. I'll let you know how things go.

What do I want to be when I grow up?

I've written in the past about how I am currently in an online program to get my associates degree. (I'm more than halfway through my very last class, by the way, yay!) Either next spring or next fall I plan on starting a program to finish up and get my bachelors degree in either human services or psychology. My intention was to become a licensed therapist eventually, after completing the necessary postgraduate work, or working at some sort of human services agency.

I was recently looking at an article about the best and worst jobs in America. Clinical psychologist was in the top 25 and right next to it was psychiatrist. I'll be honest, the first thing that popped into my head was "wow a psychiatrist makes twice as much as a psychologist." Then I started thinking back to when I was in college in Lincoln and switched my major to psychology. Back then I had originally wanted to be a psychiatrist, then upon realizing I would have to go to medical school, I changed my mind and decided to go the therapist/psychologist route instead. At the time I was pretty convinced that I was not interested in science, I didn't enjoy it and didn't think I could handle taking so many science classes. Now things are a little different. Last year I became an atheist and since then I have had a new found interest in science. I also took a sociology class about minority groups and in the gender section it talked about how girls are often made to feel as though they are not good at science, and eventually lose interest in the subject because of gender biases in our society. This has also made me rethink my feelings toward science.

So now I am seriously contemplating medical school. I still have to finish my bachelors, and still intend to major in psychology. I figure that if I have a change of heart I will be able to go forward with my original plan, but psychology knowledge will definitely benefit me as a psychiatrist as well. I will also likely have to take a year of pre-med classes, but at this point I'm thinking I will take them outside of a degree program. The online program I am planning on doing doesn't offer much in the way of math and science classes, so it has me thinking that maybe I should look into other programs, but I'm nervous that other programs won't accept my associates degree in full. I will need to take my pre-med classes in an actual classroom setting anyways, so it makes sense to me to just go forward with my bachelors online, and then find a nearby school where I can do my pre-reqs when Matilda is slightly older.

I don't want to go to medical school until Matilda begins kindergarten or at least preschool, because I want to be able to be a stay at home mom with all three girls until they are school-aged. In 2016 Adelaide will be starting kindergarten, Matilda will be starting preschool, and Michael will be able to get out of the Army. So it would make sense for me to apply to medical schools and try to start that year. I know it could be a struggle, but I can't imagine getting through medical school without being able to totally count on Michael, and there's just no way that's possible as long as he's in the Army. Also, being a non-traditional student I'm likely going to have to go to whatever school I can get into, which means we'll have to relocate. The Army won't care that I want to go to medical school, so that would mean that Michael and I would have to live separately for possibly eight years and there's no way that's happening.

Oh yeah, did I mention? After medical school is a four year residency, so going this route is a huge commitment. I will be in my mid to late thirties by the time I can begin practicing as a board certified psychiatrist, which will be around the time McKaleigh starts high school. I will essentially be spending a majority of their school aged years in medical school and residency. Part of me feels like I shouldn't do this, just because I want to be there for them more. But at the same time, what kind of example would I be setting for them by not going after my dreams? I know that I can do this and still make time for the girls, it's just a matter of using my time efficiently.

This is getting super long, but it's really just one of those posts where I have to write out everything that's going through my head in regards to this idea. The more I think about it, the more I want to do this and the more confident I become. And to get into medical school you really have to prepare, so it's definitely something I need to be thinking about now. Hopefully this will give me the motivation I need to finish this last class of my associates!

Just gotta get it all out

Ugh! So I'm just in one of those "I need to complain and whine about everything" moods! I'm going to try and keep each thing short and to the point so it doesn't just turn into me rambling on and on and on.

For starters, I have an awful cold, I hope it's not the start of the flu, but my head just feels blech and I can't stop sneezing and blowing my nose!

The girls have been overwhelming lately.

• Matilda has been extra fussy and has been spitting up a lot and is super gassy lately. I obviously don't fault her for the stress she has been causing me, but it's really frustrating when I'm trying to quickly get something done and have to go to her every minute or two to calm her down again. Babywearing has been a great help, but sometimes it's easier to get certain things done without wearing her.
• Adelaide is being a typical 2 year old and is getting into everything and destroying things. I expect this and know her behavior is normal for her age, but it just feels like it's nonstop right now! I got the BHG Storage magazine today, which I have been looking for for awhile, and she's already ripped a page out of it! That's just one of many, many, many things.
• McKaleigh has turned into a big bully since starting preschool. She plays much rougher with Adelaide than she ever did before, including pushing and hitting... a lot. And in general she just does really mean things that she never did before. I know it's just a phase but it's really hard to know what exactly to do in this situation. It seems like Adelaide is crying about something every 10 or 15 minutes and it's exhausting playing referee all day long. I find myself actually looking forward to her going to preschool tomorrow just so I can get a break from her picking on Adelaide. They do still play nicely together between all the fighting, so it's not all bad, but very tiresome.

I do not want to move overseas.

• It's going to be a pain in the butt getting all the things done that we have to do before going, since Michael is in Korea and we are not near an Army post.
• I really want to focus on paying off our debt but I'm going to feel pressure to spend money on traveling while we're in Europe, which is going to dramatically delay getting out of debt.
• The girls won't even remember the time we spend in Europe because they're so young, so that makes it feel like a really big waste of money to take any trips.
• I'm really close to my mom, she lived in Italy for two years and I just hate the thought of spending three more years with hardly ever getting to see each other.

And I'm so tired of school!

• I just cannot get motivated to do my schoolwork, every week it is a huge struggle to get everything done.
• I usually end up turning everything in late. My teacher doesn't mark any points off, but it adds stress to me trying to hurry and get it done before I have to start working on the next week's stuff. I have two assignment that I still need to do and at this point I think I'm just going to forget about them. I always say I'll work on them, but I think I'm just going to move forward.
• It's a one credit hour class with the same amount of work as a three credit hour class. I don't understand how that works!

Those are the biggest things that have been bothering me and getting me down. I have to put the girls to bed soon and then hopefully I can force myself to do some school work. I am so dreading the school work part though:(.

To end this on a positive note, I dyed my hair this weekend and I love how it turned out:). You can check it out in this youtube video. I talk about the hair color at the beginning of the video and then the rest of the video is a baby carrier haul, where I show and talk about all of my wraps and other carriers.

http://youtu.be/lFODmgnaCiY

Need to Redirect My Motivation! (New Hair-do)

I am having trouble with being motivated in certain areas. I keep letting the dishes and tidying fall behind before I take care of it. I have an assignment that I still haven't done and I've already come around to the day where I have to start working on this week's assignments, too. The girls' room is a mess. And there are probably some other things that I need to get going on that I just don't want to do for some reason.

Instead what I have been spending all of my extra time on is my hair. I combed out my dreads recently and have a new obsession with learning about haircare and styling. I feel like I've never been happy with my hair, because I've never taken the time to learn how to really do it. I've been watching tons of videos on YouTube, and have seriously learned so much. Already I have done things to my hair that I never really thought I would be able to do successfully. I grossly underestimated my abilities before!

So I am very motivated to learn... just not about anything school related! Eek!

Check out my YouTube channel if you want to see what my hair looks like now: http://www.youtube.com/tjkoch88

I'll probably be making some videos in the future about the things I've been learning... but maybe I should get some homework done first:P.

Right after getting it cut.